Out of Body Experience

Have you ever had the feeling where you feel like you are not you… where you do something you would normally NEVER do whether it be something nice or something naughty and while you do it, you feel like it is someone else doing it and you are watching. Well this past year I have had SOOO many of those moments, good and bad. I RARELY (twice a year) ever  lose my temper with people except for my family members (because they will always love me and because we have been together for sooo long, its natural to get on each other nerves…even then i try not to). Anyways I went to this kid Tony’s house and he wouldn’t let me change the channel…which is fair enough because it is his house but then he came to his friends house, whom I was staying with and demanded me to change the channel off my girlie music and i got annoyed and told him to go home (he lives 4minutes away!!!).

I then realized what my ex was saying about me was true, well he said i had a little bitchiness in my but what he meant was that I was more confident since we split and it is true. I am not bitchy and DON’T like to get into fights but recently I have not been taking shit from anyone. Of course I respond diplomatically but i speak out for myself. But even then it feels like im watching someone else respond…

Even when i talk to my mommy and daddy it’s not me… I never said “i love you” when i talked to my parents because they knew i did and my dad is military so he doesn’t talk like that but recently my dad ALWAYS says that and my mom has started to say it VERY often and when they said it, especially my dad, I thought i was in a dream and I responded that I loved them too without thinking… When my dad started saying that it was as if he finally said “I AM TRULY PROUD OF YOU” because I have never EVER heard him say “I love you” to anyone so it was like an out of body experience because even after I heard it, i went to bed and thought it was a dream.

I am glad I can say “I love you” to my parents and it not be awkward  because I do REALLY love them and without them I would be no where!

Now that I have graduated, (and this degree is for you Uncle Jacob, I will always love you and you to grandma… fuck now i’m crying damn it!…i just went downstairs and Mariah Carey’s Bye Bye was on… ARGHHH)… It still feels surreal! has it really been 3.5 years?! I am still sitting here and it still doesn’t feel right! How did i grow up so fast? It’s surreal…

I can’t keep writing this post because now i am angry…i am going to the next post, FAMILY TIES!

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