If I beg and If I cry… would it change the sky tonight?

I was having a chat with my flatmate and he said something that made me start to think… he pretty much said long distance never works and that he wanted me to be careful and not be serious about the new boy because he doesn’t want me to see me get hurt…

Then we watched “He’s just not that into you”… if a guy wants to call, they will call…  and he did two days ago but my phone is shit so he said he would give me a call in 15 minute… or maybe he said I was supposed to… I don’t know… but he never called… I fell asleep… tried calling him the next day while I was at a party but he didn’t pick up… so I gave up… then I started to realize what my housemate was saying… here I am, at a party with cute guys hitting on me and instead of me being me, flirting back, I picked up my stuff and left.. yes, at 7 pm… who leaves a party with models and fashion designers and free unlimited alcohol and food… just to go home and ‘be a good girl’…

My flatmate is right… long distance is hard… and I don’t even know what he thinks of our relationship… is it more in my head than it is in his? he is very hot and cold… And I know he will have a good reason for being hot and cold… he always does… and he always an actual pretty good reason everytime… which is quite annoying… coz I can’t be mad… I just don’t know…. it sucks… and I don’t know if he thinks I call too much… too many questions left unanswered… what are we… are we even anything?… This song describes my state of mind (except i am not about to cry … hahaha)

Disappear by Beyonce

If I beg and if I cry would it change the sky tonight?
Will it give me sunlight?
Should I wait for you to call? Is there any hope at all?
Are you drifting by?

When I think about it I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it the less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You’re nearly here and then

You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)

And then I lie all by myself, I see your face, I hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed, if it’s good, it’s got to last
It feels so right

When I think about it I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it the less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You’re nearly here and then

You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You, you disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear

I missed all the signs one at a time
You were ready
What did I know starting our lives
No, my love I’m ready to shine

When I think about it I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it the less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You’re nearly here and then

You disappear, you disappear
You disappear, you disappear, disappear

TO BE CONTINUED…

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