going from being an alco to being a non event

“What are you doing up at 2am in the morning?”

Those were the words my dad asked me in the wee hours of Sunday August 14, 2011. Intoxication was my answer but I couldn’t tell him that because he would be disappointed.

When I woke up several hours later those words kept ringing in my ears, what was I doing up at 2am in the morning stumbling around town on my way home in a intoxicated state? Why was I subjecting my body to something that it had all too often punished me for by giving me a terrible hang over or forcing me to eject my stomache’s contents via my mouth.

The concern and love in my dads voice became the catalyst for my battle to fight my addiction to alcohol.

Some of my friends were doubtful when I said I was going off the booze simply because I had said it before. Once with my ex and several times in between. I had failed each time. And some relationships were destroyed as a result.

I am on day 12 and for the first time I feel like I can actually do this and get rid of the demon that destroys thousands of lives every year. Through reflection I came to the realisation why this time I will succeed.

My state of mind has changed

I no longer look at it as ‘I am giving alcohol forever’ but as ‘I am taking a break  just for now’. One of my past errors has been my need to keep counting days and making it into a math equation. By counting the days I found that I was keeping the idea of alcohol in my thoughts at all times. Now I just count the days only when a friend enquires how long I have been sober for. Out of sight, out of mind.

It is fun! Excuses, Excuses!

Is it really fun? I raked through my brain trying to remember all the moments that I considered fun and through realisation, I really had to ask myself, were they really fun? Doing nudie runs, acting irrational, sending suggestive pictures, sleeping at strangers houses, damaging public property, jumping into an ocean in the middle of the night, saying the silliest things and falling into bushes etc.

Looking at it, it just made me look silly and embarrasing. Only attracting the wrong people. Epic fail.

Don’t make it hard

Clubbing on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday are out – DVD’s, baking, exercising, socialising, video games, reading, thinking about bussiness ideas and bettering myself are in. I even signed up for belly dancing classes.

I figure why put myself in a situation or environment where I know I will come head to head with my demons, unnecessarily. Absolutely no need.

Only the beginning

I know it it only the beginning but we all have to start somewhere and sometimes all we need is the love of someone to set you straight with loving words like my dad did instead of anger or ignorance like I felt when I tried with my ex.

Here’s a water toast to fighting with all my might to going from being “Hi my name is Liz and I am an alcoholic” to “Hi my name is Liz”.

Thank you dad for always holding my hand, without even knowing it.

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