I refuse to pray…

Yesterday went from a day of complete excitement that I had the privilege of wishing my dad another Happy Fathers Day to a day where I didn’t know whether to cry, pray or just sleep and hope everything will work out. 

When I contacted my father to thank him for being the most amazing father, I could tell something was up – he said ’thank you’ but he sounded tired. It was 1pm so I knew I hadn’t woken him up which left the only other option, something was wrong.

He didn’t say a word and instead passed the phone on to my mother.

“My child, we are at the hospital… your brother is not doing well”

She didn’t use the expression ‘not feeling well’, which I would normally would have presumed he has a cold, a fever or something of the sort but ‘not doing well’… I knew I had to sit down for this one.

“He is suffering pain on the right hand side of his body and shortness of breath. They have run some tests and we will let you know what they find out as soon as we know.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Tell him I said hello”, I said. I couldn’t even say that I would pray for him. Saying that would really make this situation serious.

I jumped into bed and just went to sleep, didn’t ask God to watch over him and help him through this tough time. 

He is going to be fine. He has to be fine. The doctors will find nothing serious. Right?

I woke up this morning and realised something about the whole situation – where were his so called friends who had made him run away from home, gone partying with him, spending his money, friends whom he had chosen over us. The only two people who were there in his time of need were the two people responsible for his passage into this world and they were there with just love. Everything in the past did not matter. They were there with their baby. 

I am at that stage now where I don’t know whether to cry or be angry. Not angry at him but at people. It made me start questioning everyone around me whom I consider friends – is our friendship solely there for their benefit? Every nice thing having its strings attached?

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